Heart and Soul

“Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success. When you do a thing, do it with all your might. Put your whole soul into it. Stamp it with your own personality. Be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful, and you will accomplish your object. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have always related to the final sentence of this quote “Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm’ however so much more can be taken from the entire paragraph.

I have spent many years being active and energetic…. I am annoyingly enthusiastic at times and have put my heart and soul into most tasks. (I say most ,as it is impossible to achieve this for every task). My choice of career is an example of this.

I am now back as a GP. Is this something I want to do for the rest of my life?

I can honestly say, and I do so at the risk of it sounding like a self-pitiful whinge, I genuinely can’t do it anymore. I can’t put my soul into it again. I can’t open myself to that feeling of burn out. I am unable to do it with all my might because it constantly drains any energy I have. I wouldn’t be providing the level of care I wanted to because I am focussed on protecting myself. What do I do then? I have been back for a month and the thought of another day fills me with total dread!! Stress invoking, sleep depriving dread.

The NHS is not a good place to work. We aren’t protected mentally. It is a great place to be a patient and I can say that with first hand experience. Eventually, unless something changes they will feel like me; enthusiasm drained, souls battered and no longer feeling mighty.

As the quote suggests, enthusiasm is an engine of success. It is important that it is used sparingly to protect yourself and to know when to put yourself first and live in the moment. Deciding when to engage your enthusiasm in a project or a career, is the true adventure.

Life is learning when to give it everything, when to let your soul go with the flow. It is about learning the lesson when things go wrong. Sometimes your only choice is to give it everything or fail and learning from these moments.

This is why I love writing this blog, I can feel my decision being made for me in the words. I need to find another way to use my skills, another outlet for my enthusiasm. There are many options out there, the endless quest for adventure.

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