Welcome to my first blog. The start of a shared adventure, not just into my writing style but into this amazing thing we call life. I have always wanted to start writing but never had the time or confidence to have a go. I am writing this first instalment whilst I’m sitting waiting in the Stroke Clinic, taking the average age down by 40 years, and receiving those looks of are you in the right place? And then the realisation that I could be and then the whole explanation to my fellow patients. It is however a great place to start.
12 weeks ago, I suffered a left sided frontal ischaemic stroke, or a small clot blocked off a distant artery of the left side of my brain and there was no blood supply. I suffered a brain attack. I can not decide which was worse; the inability to use the right side of my body or the total loss of language. It’s one of those decisions that actually takes seconds. Language is the most important skill we have, it defines us as humans, the ability to communicate. We don’t have to walk to be an individual. However interacting with the world around you, the people you love, explaining what is happening or even saying yes or no (and meaning it).
The feeling of total uselessness, I couldn’t explain to the paramedic what was going on, or what my past medical history was, I couldn’t put myself in the world. I was an observer to my entire stroke. On the outside looking in. I knew what was happening. Too much knowledge, and immediately that was it for me. I was on a knife edge. Teetering on the edge of oblivion. One way no more me, the other a battle to find me again. Another one of those ‘no brainers’… quite apt for the moment. I wanted to live and I wanted to be me. Those thoughts were rattling through my brain as I was trying to process what was going on. Trying to see if I was improving. Trying not to panic as there was no point … I could not express myself. I was on the biggest adventure of my life … the start of my next set of adventures.
It was like my brain switched the ‘master O N O F F switch’ and rebooted. I had been my own IT guru. I had 2 options sink or swim and not to mix my metaphors I wanted to swim. So here I am now having finished my first post. 2017 is going to be a good year.